Numbers and Letters. Measurement and Language.
The people we come across in our lives take numerous forms, and play different parts in our life. Their significance depends on perspective. A person we perceive as absent minded may have tonnes of responsibilty and stress from other sources.
I caught up with a friend today and we discussed pity and affection. It got pretty deep but I realised something today. Humans can not understand everything. There comes a point where the answer is undefinable (e.g. What is pi?) or unknown. In the same way, the mentality of a person on the autism spectrum, will be different to someone who lives without the condition. I describe myself as very empathetic but also very logical. There are many other methods that people will use to show affection, some may not want this to be known. I would say communication is the key for all successful relationships. If there is lack of communication, an understanding in the relationship becomes lost.
People don’t need pity, therefore people shouldn’t hand it out like a free sample. Having a “pity friend” or being friends with someone because you feel sorry for them is a mutually pretty bad situation to be in. The worse feeling is finding out you were the friend they felt sorry for. You only realise this when the friendship ends. What you can do is make sure the people around you aren’t doubting your abilities, or putting you down.
As you see certain friendship groups form, you are not seeing the other friendships that are getting strained. Where there is care, there is also neglect (the absence of care). NOTE: Please ensure you do not neglect any friendships or be the neglected individual in the friendship. If you need space from friends, being direct is better than blatently ignoring them. If the friendship tree is getting old, and looking worn out, water it. You need to nourish your relationships to keep them alive.
If you are not careful you can end up being just that friend on the side. The one that gets invited last minute. The one who’s nice but not “one of us”. The option but never the priority. The afterthought. Me.
I have accepted that having a clique or squad may not be in my destiny and that I shouldn’t see this as a future goal. I need to become a self sufficent person and do things my way without relying upon the input of other humans.-It took one human for me to realise how incorrect this (my) train of thought was.-
I became so uninterested in things, activities, work, education… life. One person taught me that as humans we are defined by imperfection. So it’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to do things as a team. Just got to find your team. I need to open up, and find the new me.
I am a perfectionist, it’s in my nature, it IS my nature. One thing I must work on is communication. I know this from the excellent communication of others around me. My friends have told me about how sometimes we can become blind to the things we do, and how it changes us. The best of friends will check in on you, make sure everything is ok and, as humans we need some sort of social interaction in order to develop.
Have you ever asked someone their name and immediately forgot it? Then you keep saying things like “Hey you”, “Oh my god it’s you!”, “Youuuu”. Saying you forgot their name is offensive right? But I think the problem is that we can’t be honest without it having consequences. For example: Would you prefer a friend who is critical (says so if good, says so if bad) or a person who says what you want to hear? Honest people are hard to find. If honesty offends you so much, have you actually paused and thought about the truth behind those words. Lipstick on your teeth. Halitosis. Torn shoes. I can’t silently notice these things.
The barriers to communication:
-Are you able to concentrate?
-Does the conversation engage you?
-Do you have something to add?
-Are you interested in the topic?
-Can you understand the language used?
-Can you understand the accent of the other person?
Language barriers prevent parties on both sides from communicating.
-Will the conversation have any effect?
-Are you getting the reaction you are wanting?
-Is there a point?
Professor Norman: We humans are more concerned with having than with being.
The ones that disappear without a trace, are the ones who are no longer worth the chase.